Adversity...Paving the Way
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Every parent's internal secret that we all live with forever is-
Did we get it right when it counted most...college that is!
Not college for us, ha, my college career spanned a few years with a 5-year stint with the USAF stuck in the middle of it. I graduated as a 27-year-old.
I went to work right away in Public Accounting and had my CPA secured soon thereafter. I think things worked out well. At least my Mom always thought so.
However, Mom felt a sense of need to apologize to me 20 years later for not doing enough to help me get college right. She felt that she needed to apologize to once and finally get the burden off her shoulders. Can you imagine that?
Much of that inspired me to do this work. Sure, I do it expressly to help kids live the life they want for themselves. But I also knew clearly that I can help parents get college right for their kids, living without the burden of their mistakes made when their kids needed them most to be on top of their game.
We all live quietly everyday with the internal secret of knowing whether we got it right or not.
While parents can fake it outwardly to the rest of the world, no one can fake it internally. Either you got it right or you didn't. There's no middle ground.
For those who get it right, they live forever being freed of the guilt that comes with getting it wrong.
You see, getting college right is definitely centered on your child's interests, but it has lifelong ramifications on parents.
And just to be sure, a last minute scramble to drop off the child at a so-called "elite" college doesn't constitute getting it right.
Paying $75,000 for an overpriced college doesn't constitute getting it right.
Making a FB post proclaiming how proud you are of your child doesn't constitute getting it right.
To rely on the school's Guidance/ College Counselor along with their Naviance "scatter-gram" college selection approach does not constitute getting it right.
Randomly applying to high-ranked schools with incomplete applications and horrible essays does not constitute getting it right.
Just getting applications submitted under the deadline with no follow-up or follow-through does not constitute getting it right.
This process cannot be an overnight effort. It can't be an after-thought. Rather it's a long time in the works.
I'm reminded of this every morning, including this morning when a parent announced to me that "We talked and we're ready to submit ED to Miami."
Months have gone into that decision...trips, airline tickets, hotels, visiting colleges, meeting counselors, building credentials, writing essays...the list goes on.
All that work results in exploration, self-discovery, and realizations, the things required to get college right.
Psychological blindness is predicated upon people not wanting to bring something into their awareness.
Quick disclaimer...I am not a Psychologist. I more resemble a Bassist than a Psychologist, ha! I know a few Bass-lines and I know how this term applies to colleges in how they gain emotional-mastery over student-families.
Another disclaimer...I'm not bashing the colleges, rather, it's their business and they're great at it. I just want to awaken parents to the traps involved, aka- the hooks. Without further delay...
By tapping into the Psychological Blindness of many parents, colleges have become masters at manipulating adult behavior. Over the past 10 years, they've programmed "hooks" into their College Tours and Information Sessions designed to draw in the emotional interest of parents and their kids. Beware, that's market-manipulation at its best, a market owned by the colleges, driven by the parents.
Hooks for the parents, the market-makers:
• We have a 90% job-placement rate
• Your child doesn't have to know their major yet...we'll help them figure it out.
• We'll meet your financial-need at 100%
Hooks for the kids, the pawns in the game:
• You don't have to know your major yet...we'll help you figure it out
• We are test-optional
• Come see our beautiful new dorms
• Come see our amazing new cafeteria's
Parents jump onboard, kids jump on board, the psychological-hook is set.
Next come Financial Award Packages high in cost, low in awards, high in loans...high in anxiety!
Parents will often say-
• We'll do anything for our child, they deserve it.
• We'll find a way to pay.
• We owe it to them.
Kids often say-
• I love it.
• It's where I want to go.
• Please mom...or dad...
The hooks are set, the fish are being reeled in.
When student-families fall into this emotional trap, they drive the market- price upward. They become the market-makers. On that note, we can't blame the colleges. They are merely running their business with precision controls and influences.
They are doing what the market allows. The result?
We will soon have our first $100,000 per year cost of a college. Many more will follow suit thereafter.
Cost has doubled over the past 12 years or so. Many colleges have eliminated scholarship awards.
Student-families make many costly mistakes, not just in terms of dollars, but also in terms of the college experience and desired outcomes.
To their extraordinary success, colleges monetize the emotional-addiction that parents have for their children. I understand. I was one of them!
In the end, it's up to the parents to not fall for this trap. It's up to parents to be more savvy to what they are about to buy—COLLEGE.
Don't be a fish!
Do not fall for the illusion that colleges create for you. They don't have a 90% job-placement rate...none of them do!
Do not turn it over to your child to manage. They can't manage buying a home, a car, or a $300,000 college!
Do not think that your school's Guidance Counselor will help make sure that you're on top of your game. It's not their job, not their child, not their money.
Do get on top of your game. Be knowledgeable, be involved. Your child depends on you now more than ever before.
The stakes are too big to wait on being involved. The results are too predictable to not be on top of your game. The cost of getting it wrong will be felt forever.
Don't be a fish!